No, Really, I'm Not an Irresponsible Teenager, But I Can Play One Really, Really Well

A few weeks ago, I booked an appointment to get a flu shot at a particular branch of a major drugstore. As required, I even pre-paid for this appointment (since I'm not eligible for a free flu shot on the NHS v--- grrrrrr---) and tucked the receipt away in my wallet.

Anyway, the appointment was for this afternoon. I'd scheduled it a full hour after I normally dropped Ramekin off at his nearby nursery preschool, figuring it would be best if I only had to juggle one energetic wee boy while I was getting a needle stuck in my arm.

So, after dropping Ramekin off at nursery, BooBaaa and I headed off to the drugstore. We were a bit early, but when I checked in at the pharmacy counter, it turns out that no one else had scheduled an appointment around my time slot, so the nurse they'd brought in to give the shots could take me right away. But could I please first fill out and sign their pre-shot questionnaire.

Sure, sure. I knew the drill.

Am I healthy today? Yes.

Ever had a reaction to a flu shot? No.

Allergic to eggs? No.

Allergic to a long list of ingredients in the flu shot? No.

Pregnant? No.

Wait a minute, what was that last question? Crap. How could I be so stupid?

No. No no no. I'm not pregnant. I'm not.

At least, I'm 99% sure I'm not.

But someone and her husband, who shall go unnamed for privacy reasons, had kind of an oops-throw-caution-to-the-wind-you-know-we-secretly-want-another-one-yet-we-know-it-won't-really-happen-because-we're-not-talking-about-it-seriously moments last week. And, this moment happened during a period of time that said couple could in theory get pregnant...

But I'm not pregnant... in theory... I'm not.

But there I was staring at the form thinking "Oh crap. I'm not pregnant. I'm not. I couldn't possibly be pregnant. And even if I was pregnant, I wouldn't be able to find out for another week and a half because that's the way these dratted tests work."

So I decide to have a chat with the non-busy nurse about it, with BooBaaa in tow, in her little nurse-booth. The conversation went something like this.

Me: "I'm not pregnant."

Nurse (looking over my questionnaire form): "Good, good."

Me: "But I'm not 100% sure. It just occurred to me when I got here and picked up the form... but I'm like 99% certain."

Nurse: The look.

Me, babbling: "Because there was an oops, and well, I just don't know. I mean I 'know', but I don't really 'know'. Not for sure anyway. Crap." Mentally remind myself I am a responsible adult and not a stupid, irresponsible teenager. I don't have to explain myself, right? I sink a little lower in my seat.

Nurse, pulls out the flu shot technical information sheet: "Well, we're not supposed to give the flu shot to pregnant women in their first trimester."

Me: "I know that. I've done this before. I try to get these things every year."

Nurse: "Maybe you should call your doctor."

Me: "No, No need. I'm not pregnant.... but, well... I suppose there's a miniscule possibility I could be. But not really."

Nurse: " It's up to you, then. But...?"

Me, thinking. Just thinking. Because I know I'm not willing to take the chance. Even the smallest of chances. Because the potential consequences are too big if I'm wrong, and I would never forgive myself. So I ask: "Will any of the drugstore's branches be giving flu shots, say, next week? Could I reschedule?"

Nurse, pulling out yet another piece of paper: "Let's see.... Yes. The city centre branch will be doing them at the end of next week. And there's also a branch doing a day in late November."

Me, relieved: "I think I'll reschedule for next week, then. Just to be sure..."

Nurse: "I think that's probably a good idea."

Me: "Yeah." Slight pause, then, "I'm really sorry I wasted your time. It didn't even occur to me until I went to fill out the form today. I feel like such an idiot."

Nurse: "That's okay. It's better better to be safe than sorry." Pause, then, "May I ask what type of contraception you're using...? Is that something you'd like to talk about?"

Me: Mortified.

Because clearly I AM just like an irresponsible teenager.

But not a pregnant one.

I'm not.

Really, I'm not.

Crap.